Translate

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Do Unto Others

Sometimes I crave an ordinary life.  I wish I could be content working a regular job earning a good consistent wage for a boss who gives me bonuses for my hard work and a work vehicle.  I wish I could be content doing the same thing day in and day out, hanging out with the same friends I've known from childhood.  I wish I could just be happy watching T.V. every night and going to bed and providing a safe haven for my cat.  I wish I was stable enough to have a dog.  That life sounds amazing doesn't it?  I know people who have lives like that!

But not me because that's just not who I am.  I am happiest when I'm independent, doing what I want, when I want.  I've found that the best chance at success is when you need to succeed to survive.  When I depended on others I never felt grounded.  It wasn't until the only choice I had was to survive, that's when I found my purpose.  For me success is about living a life of freedom and having enough money to sustain that freedom.  Finally, as I turn 40, I'm finally understanding who I am, what I need to do to be happy, and stop feeling pressure to be someone I'm not.

Since my return to New Zealand after climbing Kilimanjaro in September 2013, I've been unsettled.  I came back to the news that the home I lived in and ran my business from, which I had been renting for 8 years, was going on the market.  It sold within a month.  My routine and the life I'd become so accustomed to was about to change.

Somehow I knew it would change, even before I left for Africa.  I was comfortable and life was becoming a bit too easy.  I've never liked Easy Street.  That doesn't make me a drama queen, rather, I prefer a life with purpose.  My purpose is to help others.

My life has not been easy and for this reason I have the empathy and compassion for others. Growing up I wished someone would take the time to understand me.  I considered myself a good investment, if only someone would stop to help.  I recognise when another person feels that way and I know that I can be that person for them.  Do unto others what you would have done unto you.

My friends tell me that I inspire them.  They see that the things I do give me a meaningful and purposeful life.  My oldest friends have seen a major transformation from the sad and lonely girl with very little self belief and confidence to the woman I am today. Inner power and higher energy is guiding me.

So that leads me to the topic of God... and what God means to me.

My First Communion
I grew up Catholic and I went to a Catholic School until the age of 14.  I loved Jesus and I wanted to be a nun - until the age of 10 when I met Kevin Tremblay and from then on I knew I could never cut it as a nun.  It was also around that age that I recognised the hypocrisy in the people who attended church.  They weren't acting very Christian and I lost respect for the institution.

When I was 16 I attended Youth Group at the local Pentecostal Church.  I enjoyed the fun activities, there wasn't a lot to do as a teenager in the small town I grew up in. I much preferred doing fun stuff in a safe environment than hanging out with people who were getting drunk and stoned.  I also liked that the Pentecostal chuch had a live band - very progressive compared to the traditional and predictable mass at Catholic Church.  But gradually the fun turned into pressure, expectations and rules to abide by.  The pastor would call the youth to the front to pray over us while the adults watched.  I didn't like being watched and I felt like I was a failure if I wasn't overcome by the Holy Spirit.  This meant that you spoke in tongues or you fell over in a dramatic heap on the floor.  I remember once thinking that I could open my mouth and make something up but I was afraid everyone would know that I was full of shit.  I attended Performing Arts School so it was an opportunity to perform for the adults, but I never did it.  Eventually I stopped going to church altogether.

I don't buy into "religion" as it's just a lot of propaganda created by man.  I started questioning my beliefs and I felt uncomfortable using the word "God".  To me, saying that word meant that I was religious and I wasn't... and I didn't feel comfortable associating myself with anything religious, including the word "God".  So I used the word, "Universe".

But I couldn't deny that "connection" I only seemed to find when I was in the quiet sanctuary of church. When I was in my early 20's, I found myself searching out answers in the Cathedrals of Europe.  I thought perhaps history would help me understand "religion".  I felt more of a connection (to that word I couldn't use) than I did without the energy from these historical buildings.  I could feel the old souls who worshiped there.  I also saw the grandeur and the cost that went into churches, the vast difference between rich and poor.  There was no question that these cathedrals were magnificent but they cost so much money, not just to build but to maintain.  Would God really want that?  No, I didn't think so.

On my travels around the world, I marveled at the beautiful architecture, museums, art, fashion... everything created by man.  When I went to New Zealand I found myself marveling at the scenery, the hills, the sea, the sky...  it was there, I reconnected with God on a new and different level.

I found myself once again searching for a church in my 30's, when I was raising the girls for those few short years.  As their "adopted mother", I felt it was my responsibility to instill values and teach them about God so that they could chose their personal belief later.  If they didn't get to know God, how could they make an informed choice?  Children have a natural wonder for their creator and they want clear answers.  I let them choose which church they felt most comfortable with - they chose Anglican.

I was looking for a community to explore faith and God with.  Church is not a place of exclusivity or judgment.  One should feel welcome to come and go as they please.

After my relationship ended and the girls were no longer part of my life, I continued to attend that church for another year or two but eventually I took a break, choosing to explore my spirituality through Yoga and Meditation.  A year later, one Sunday I decided to go back to that same church but I didn't feel warmly welcomed.  It had changed, and so had I, confirming that my time there ran it's course.

I will occasionally attend a church service but I don't have any desire to attend one church.  Jesus never prayed in one place.  He moved from town to town. All of the prophets were nomadic.  How else will they connect with people?  Some people need the consistency and the grounding of a community for support as they navigate their spiritual path, but maybe not forever.

I have a better understanding of who I am and for that reason I also have a better understanding of God - and what that term means to me.  I don't need a church building to connect to that unconditional feeling of love, although at times I feel myself drawn in to hear a sermon or sing gospel music to raise my vibration and to get a very specific answer to a burning question I may not even know I have been asking.  Plus, I enjoy connecting with people on a deep level and in the past I've found it was easier to find that sort of person at church.  I also feel this when I take a yoga class or attend a meditation workshop.  I am praying less and listening more.  I observe what that voice is trying to tell me and I am always ready for guidance to show me the direction I'm meant to go.   People call this intuition.  It's the deep inner knowing that you are trusting something that is bigger than you are.  Listening to that "gut feeling" that may not have any rational explanation.

Kind of like traveling across 6,000 kms to collect an indeterminate amount of clothing and supplies to take to Africa without any idea of HOW it will work out, but KNOWING that somehow it will and it will change my life.  That seems pretty crazy, but I did it.

Now I am here in East Africa, living in a community that is 70% Muslim.  These people are my friends, I respect them and they respect me.  There is something special about this place where Muslims and Christians live together, study together, work together and most importantly respect each others beliefs.  There is a unity of "one God" here... which doesn't make sense anywhere else.  But I am not anywhere else.  I am here and this is what I am exposed to.  I am learning that the world is not all the same.  Muslims are not all the same.  Christians are not all the same.  People are free to be themselves.  Freedom and kindness are my religion.

I'm not sure there is anything quite as special as a classroom of 8 year olds learning a lesson on "Respect and Manners".  Part of that lesson was learning how to "pray" and watching as the teacher asks the children to demonstrate how they pray.  The children eagerly raise their hands so that they can come to the front of the class and pray - to their God.  They may be Muslim or they may be Christian but it is understood that they are praying to one supreme essence, innocently and free.  We don't know what that looks like to each child, their vision might have a big white beard, or have dark skin resembling their grandfather, He may be a She, maybe a big brown cow, a white elephant with 5 trunks, or simply flickers of gold, or an Infinite Universe.  Or it might just BE whatever is inside their heart.

Children demonstrating how they pray in Moshi, Tanzania
One thing I have learnt is that God is different for all of us.  We are not meant to worry or concern ourselves with others individual paths on this earth or what their God looks like for them.  We are on our own journey, walking our own path.  Knowing the essence of who we are and what our purpose is for this short time while we are here to learn.  Our idea of God can evolve and change.  Let it be free to do so.

This is why it's important to never judge where someone is on their journey, because it is an evolution process which could take one lifetime or many lifetimes to alter their consciousness and awareness of their personal relationship to God.  Our purpose is knowing ourselves and in turn we will come to know God, the Universe, or simpler still, "LOVE".

This is how we will find peace on this earth.

I was Mary in my first grade Christmas pageant.